Crockham Hill June 2025 Newsletter - Flipbook - Page 42
Last word - Letter to America
Philip Ashley
President Trump has been making waves recently, threatening other
nations9 sovereignty and exasperating rather than solving conflicts
affecting millions of people. As the political classes in the USA are failing to
hold him to account, the United Kingdom (which, after all, gave it
independence after a row over a tariff, on tea) must regain this once small
colony of our great nation. So, let us sign a letter to the American people&
In the light of your failure to elect a sane human being as President and
govern your country according to its constitution, as a democratic country,
for your own and the world9s protection we hereby revoke your
independence, with immediate effect.
His sovereign Majesty King Charles III has resumed monarchical duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Congress and the Senate
will be disbanded. A new Minister of North America in-residence will be
appointed; Mr Jeremy Corbyn (we had to get rid of him somehow). J D
Vance has been tattooed and sent to El Salvador on a permanent factfinding mission.
To aid the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
and customs are introduced with immediate effect. All North Americans
will:
1. Look up 8revocation9 and 8aluminium9 in the dictionary and generally
check their newly issued pronunciation guide. You have been saying
things wrongly for years. There will be no more 8z9s instead of 8s9s. You
will no longer 8deplane.9 If you do not like this, then you will have a
problem not an 8issue9.
2. Generally, raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up
8vocabulary9 as well).
3. Cease using filler words such as 8like9, 8y9all9 and 8you know9. It is
inefficient and unacceptable (inform Microsoft that there is no such
thing as 8US English9).
4. Learn to distinguish between English and Antipodean accents
5. Learn the National Anthem 8God save the King9 (both verses).
6. Not play 8American9 football. There will be no 8World Series9 for sports
only US teams to play.
7. Re-engineer your cars, which are rubbish, especially Tesla Cyber
Trucks.
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